Waiting

   Sometimes terrible things don't hit you like you expect them to. The unexpected can be just that, but nothing more. The moment when a loved one passes away, for example. One who has been sick for quite some time, but was, honestly, expected to depart earlier than they did. They improve, you see them, don't think much of it. Then suddenly you get the call. And they're gone.

   And that's it. You understand. There's no more connection to it than that. Maybe it's the heart's defense. Accepting the logic, denying the heartbreak. All the rest is really unnecessary.
   It can be painful to know others can't deal with it like that. They're suffering, feeling the pain. And that can devastate you. Imagining your brother crying when approaching the coffin.

   What's terrible is when your mom walks up the stairs, talking about where to find a suit for a reasonable price.

   And then you realize your father is going to pick out a suit for his mother's funeral.

   That sick feeling in your stomach can be just as overwhelming, if not more so, as sadness. The sense of something not being right. The workings of the world being off-balance. That fixed point in your life being removed.

   I guess tomorrow will reveal how my heart has truly handled it all.